The Fave 5: Holly Jolly Edition

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*****Ho! Ho! Ho! Do not read this unless you are prepared to be filled with the Holly Jolly!*****

5. The Salvation Army

Zeke Elliot’s Sunday Night leap into the famous red bucket was the stuff of Christmas legend. Jerry Jones begging the NFL to fine him a lot of money so he can sue them and get more attention on the charity is even better. This is the sort of goodwill towards man that gets you that good playoff mojo (as long as you don’t have to playof the Giants again).

4. Tom Savage

Bork Van Ooswilder has been the most booty free agent signing of the season. The Texans put $37 million into a heaping pile of garbage. He has held that really good Texans roster back all season long. Bill O’Brien finally came to his senses when Houston was losing to the Jaguars in Week 15 and made a season saving decision to bench Bork for a QB he should have known was the better man the entire time. Tom “Like an Absolute” Savage guided the Texans to a comeback victory and Houston is still alive in the race for the AFC South. Bork is going to have to sit back and watch a better player guide his team into the playoffs for a second year in a row. How tall is he again?

3. Taking the Money

Leonard Fournette has decided to sit out the Citrus Bowl so he does not put any more miles on himself before the NFL Draft. Not only does this decision save his legs from one more pounding in college, but it also shows NFL teams that he is a smart man who does not make rash emotional decisions.

2. The Sacred Towel

After scoring a touchdown, former LSU Obi Wan Jabroni Jeremy Hill decided to desecrate the Terrible Towel when the 3-8-1 Bengals played the Steelers in Week 15. Bad idea. Morons trying to get under the Steelers’ skin should know better. The Steelers went on to outscore Cincy 15-0 in the second half, beating the Bungles for a second time and putting them back in their place in the AFC North, right next to the Browns. You never disrespect the sacred wash rag!

1. The Mall on Christmas Eve

Nothing puts me in the Christmas spirit more than procrastination! You think you got everyone covered when you did all of your early Christmas shopping, but you always remember that one person you missed right before it is too late. That is because the Mall is a living entity on Christmas Eve and it beckons us all. I’ll meet yinz in the food court!