If you played high school football you know that the most important week of the summer is “Hell Week.” They probably don’t call it that anymore, it is probably something more like “Really Hard Week,” but when I was in high school only a decade ago it was still called “Hell Week.” Either way, Hell Week sucks. Hell Week is the week where the men are separated from the boys. It is the week where your coaches test your fighting spirit by making you run more than ever and hit harder than ever. Hell Week in high school involved a lot of running and even more puking for me. Give me that Hell Week over the week we are all about to experience in a few days.
The Super Bowl has become a week long event full of all the worst things. All week long you hear the same story lines beaten into the ground. Some of the classics were “Jerome Bettis is from Detroit and he is playing his last game in the Super Bowl, in Detroit!” And of course, “will Peyton Manning win and retire a champion?” We also get celebrities with things to plug coming out of the woodwork.
I will not be at radio row because I did not ask to go to radio row. Radio row during Super Bowl week is like listening to a live feed of a mall. Everyone is trying to sell you products you don’t need, but instead of a middle eastern lady trying to get you to try cologne at her kiosk, you get B-List movie stars telling you to see their new movies while giving their irrelevant opinions on the big game. It is very big for business according to the suits, but if you ask me, radio row makes for some of the worst sports talk radio of the year. Except for Jim Rome, listen to him next week because his show will be great!
This year we get the uninteresting Atlanta Falcons and the detestable New England Patriots at Super Bowl Media Day. Media Day can be the only good part about Super Bowl Week, but with this year’s cast, it will probably be a grueling marathon where talk show hosts and hack writers are pulling teeth to get some entertainment value. The brutal week long struggle to finally end this never-ending NFL season notwithstanding, I am prepared. I am prepared to guide you through Hell Week as smoothly as possible. We will not fall victim to the same tedious talking points and we will not force feed you these two teams you cannot stand. We will not be “experiencing Super Bowl week” together. We will not be celebrating two deserving teams. Instead, next week on The Alan Michael Show, we go through hell together as we celebrate the end to a season we all hope to soon forget.